speeders anonymous

I got a freaking ticket the other day and although it's not the worst in terms of amount- just 40.00 I still felt unable to resist the tears that came with the waste of money and possible higher insurance rates.
I don't know what caused such a serious response but I really felt a wave of sadness at being in trouble! I was sitting there and warm tears spilled down my cheeks as I waited for the officer to return ticket in hand. He must have sensed something for he was in a rush to get out of my window and looked uncomfortable. I know I should not be mad- I did speed of that fact there is no denial and the thoughts came rolling through my head and I felt guilty of them as they entered...tell him you were widowed and have two kids.....Then common sense prevailed and I said nothing- why would that be relevant? Why would that even save me? I did the speeding and that was that.

I feel sad lately. Sad and a bit lonely - I am seriously hurting still from the loss of my husband and seeing the kids go through events without their dad.

Some days I sit on the couch and the cats wander in and the dog is never far and I feel comforted by the way they love me....but I still miss him so much! it's nice to have the little hearts nearby but I really miss him so much and I don't know where I will find something that will replace that!

party went well & sports are taking over-

I leave her at 15 yrs old to make a breakfast- I doubt she will be good to do it- she's used to being served. I feel that I have done so much lately that she doesn't bother any more.
So tensions were still high last night and despite everyone making it to the canal for a skate and out to the restaurant for Thai food and home home cake and presents I am still a bit mad about how this all came about and was stuffed down my throat - The soccer stuff is heating up and the team has made all kinds of comments and decisions that left a lot of people mad and uncertain. I don't want to accept a spot and then leave but I feel very strong about this club's mistakes and don't want to be a part of it. The try outs for the other L3 club that will have the players from our old team on it sounds much better to me. problem is they don't make the team official until after we have to say what we are doing with the club she made already. I don't know what kind of show we will get. She may make it - she may not! Do we take the chance?