I guess I'll help again

I had a blow out then I just took a quick swallow of pride and sense of self respect and will likely go to the cottage and cut the grass. My brother has said he's going numerous days and still can say that and not show up. I wanted to have the girls up for one night but the way things are going I sincerely hope it happens but don't hold much hope-

My daughter left the doors open and went touring around on her bike- then she left the bike sticking out and I wasn't able to close the garage. I went to got her and told her to move the bike and close the garage and she didn'r so this morning I found the door wide open and the bike still in the way and to top it off the other bike right in the way of the car pulling out. honestly I think I'm going to loose it this summer if this is the way things will go.

negative ways

I went to our family cottage and I cut the grass and visited for a bit and mostly I just got very frustrated. I listened to how my mom sees people- 'this one is cheap and this one is ...."

You know I wonder what drives me to do do do and I may just now know- I think my parents focus on what is not done and forget what has been done pretty damn quickly. While there I was complained to on how terrible we ( my siblings and I) are that we didn't send flowers when my grandma died. Sadly I just buried my husband a few weeks before, I was in a financial crisis and probably in a state of shock. Sick - that's just sick to be criticised for not sending flowers. I said hey man wait a minute I was....(see above) and then was told don't take it personally. Don't take it personally? Seriously! I just can't believe this.

Sadly when my mother took off to Europe my grams went very bad health wise and I went down to see her and I helped make decisions on things like DNR decisions- It was really hard- I brought her flowers and visited and helped her eat-

all forgotten and not one bit of thanks late on.

All to say I try to do everything maybe in some way trying to get someone to acknowledge what I get done- my house is clean the laundry gets done grass cut, gardens weeded and planted- repainting done and new furniture ...anyway...I guess some part just never heard anything good out of them and does 5 times what most people do to get the few complements that gets me. Then the next family visit I get told all the bad things I did again.

This week an earthquake struck and I was evacuated from the 20th floor of my office tower. It happened a few minutes before I could print out directions to the funeral home where my sister in law's mom was waked. I missed the wake. I called my mom the next day-

she eats her cereal chopping it in the phone - so why didn't you go to the wake? lets' just say in a few minutes of convo I hung up. In that few minutes she judged me for not going- made comments that she thinks that kids could go with missing sports once in a while for these things and pretty much made me feel like crap. I responded with - gee an earthquake kinda stopped my plans! If I had a husband to get help from I would have gone at night- and my daughter just missed her sport last time you took her out to get a dress for a dance because it was too much for you to drop her off at a field. Also you want to come down on me for not making a wake? then why would you ( my mother) start telling me my grandma was dead at my husband's funeral? She wasn't dead by the way and no one that saw it quite gets what she was ranting about.

honestly??? how can someone like that just look at what everyone else does wrong?

garden

This year I planted,
radishes, beets , carrots, tomatoes,, cauliflower, green onions, garlic, peas, pumpkins, lemon grass, cucumber, zucchini, 5 types of lettuce, bok choy, potatoes, watermelon, beans and a bunch of herbs

So far we have radish, green onion , loads of lettuce a few tomatoes and that makes some tasty salads-

The first tomato My husband used to cut in half even if it was a cherry or grape tomato and sprinkle it with a little salt and pepper and serve it up ceremoniously- I miss that. I really miss him.

cottage bursting at the seams

Well I haven't written since the long weekend- all things planned occurred except that my brother and his family and his sister in law all went to the cottage too and never told me they were going- Now this cottage is a family cottage so it's not mine or anything per se, but given that I was the only one to stay over night in the last 2 years it would have been handy or at least logical to send me a note that they were planning on being there- They have 5 people in the family plus the s-i-l. That's a lot! They brought a tent and planned to be in it at least in part, but this is going to be a shitty summer if I have to share with them all the weekends I can even make it up there-

It was just too much- 3 small kids dropping things everywhere and up at dawn plus 2 older kids who wanted some quiet and stay up late then sleep in-

I was so upbeat about the time and now I am kinda upset that they are just showing up and by that I mean not warning me so we can coordinate things better- It's not like they ever used to come up- So I think that the courtesy is on them to start it off with saying - we plan to stay up over night this year summer so maybe we should coordinate things- are you going up this weekend ?

I guess I get irratated because I cleanned the cottage; ( fridge stove counters vacumed corners and behind stuff when first reopened) bought the sheets made the beds bought all new pillows and then cut grass haul out chairs and put out the water trampoline and boats -

It's alot then when you want to enjoy it someone else shows up.