negative ways

I went to our family cottage and I cut the grass and visited for a bit and mostly I just got very frustrated. I listened to how my mom sees people- 'this one is cheap and this one is ...."

You know I wonder what drives me to do do do and I may just now know- I think my parents focus on what is not done and forget what has been done pretty damn quickly. While there I was complained to on how terrible we ( my siblings and I) are that we didn't send flowers when my grandma died. Sadly I just buried my husband a few weeks before, I was in a financial crisis and probably in a state of shock. Sick - that's just sick to be criticised for not sending flowers. I said hey man wait a minute I was....(see above) and then was told don't take it personally. Don't take it personally? Seriously! I just can't believe this.

Sadly when my mother took off to Europe my grams went very bad health wise and I went down to see her and I helped make decisions on things like DNR decisions- It was really hard- I brought her flowers and visited and helped her eat-

all forgotten and not one bit of thanks late on.

All to say I try to do everything maybe in some way trying to get someone to acknowledge what I get done- my house is clean the laundry gets done grass cut, gardens weeded and planted- repainting done and new furniture ...anyway...I guess some part just never heard anything good out of them and does 5 times what most people do to get the few complements that gets me. Then the next family visit I get told all the bad things I did again.

This week an earthquake struck and I was evacuated from the 20th floor of my office tower. It happened a few minutes before I could print out directions to the funeral home where my sister in law's mom was waked. I missed the wake. I called my mom the next day-

she eats her cereal chopping it in the phone - so why didn't you go to the wake? lets' just say in a few minutes of convo I hung up. In that few minutes she judged me for not going- made comments that she thinks that kids could go with missing sports once in a while for these things and pretty much made me feel like crap. I responded with - gee an earthquake kinda stopped my plans! If I had a husband to get help from I would have gone at night- and my daughter just missed her sport last time you took her out to get a dress for a dance because it was too much for you to drop her off at a field. Also you want to come down on me for not making a wake? then why would you ( my mother) start telling me my grandma was dead at my husband's funeral? She wasn't dead by the way and no one that saw it quite gets what she was ranting about.

honestly??? how can someone like that just look at what everyone else does wrong?