I forgot to mention that we went to Paris last month. You know having my parents over this past weekend and thinking the whole time during the visit, I could move anywhere maybe I'll go live in Europe. Sad that it was like that. My parents' attitude is really bad- they always complain about everything and when you complain back they tell me I'm negative. You know when someone bothers you at work or your in- laws say something inappropriate most people have a spouse to vent to. Now with no one but my kids to talk with it's been hard and since my parents seem to vent to me I thought it was a 2 way street. Now I know it's a one way. more quickly I am moving away from talking with them about anything. One thing I despise is people telling others what you tell them in frustration- my mom did this - I was frustrated with the kids not helping and just vented a bit on the way I have so much to do and they were not helping. It was a bad week that way- so who does my mom tell this to? An old high school friend that well is such a self centered fake person I cut her out completely from our life just after I met my husband 15 years ago. At the time she said nasty things to him ( because he's older)when I was out of the room. Then she said I had trapped myself a man because we decided to have a child before we got married. She's not a nice person - not even a friend couldn't my mom just say we are doing fine that we went to Paris and had a great time?
The sad thing is that people probably thought that ( trapping) a lot but he and I had talked about it (having kids) way before it happened and were prepared that it might. I know he was so excitted when it did... We were not surprised because we had decided that would be OK and let go of the situation to let things happen. I was in my mid 20's working full time and I was responsable and he had just gotten a divorce and was mid 30's and worried he'd be too old if we courted for years and then had kids. He was a little wedding shy having just signed D papers and frankly I said I know it might not work out but I never felt the way I felt about him with anyone else and frankly before him I never wanted or cared if I did get married and I never pined for babies.....
Anyway I digress.... another thing I really despise is if you tell someone something and they throw it back in your face. My mom did that too recently. You go through a lot when you loose your spouse really unexpectedly the way I did and I went through all the grief process including anger. I'm probably not completely done but when I was in an angry part of my journey I complained about stupid things people did and shortly thereafter my mother decided to tear me down for complaining I thought she could see it for what it was - part of an emotional process, she made me feel bad about myself for having let myself be who I needed to be with my own parents for that little while. I was never so upset until this weekend when she did it again.
The one thing about being left alone is that everyone tells you what to do. I keep hearing from brother in laws how the house is too big and I shouldn't keep it. Well that's really inappropriate, and I wish people would just stop. I should not defend my choices anymore now than when I made them with a husband. It blows my mind that people think they have a right to tell you how to live just because I am a single woman now.
I guess that bother's me more now because I would like to think that I am capable and frankly I was doing a lot before he died anyway! Adding a few more jobs will not be the end of me. I traveled to Europe and back by myself since he died- I cut the grass all summer, got a a load of wood for winter and stacked it, cleaned the house each week, I make the meals and even got the beets and carrots out of the garden and made homemade soup with my 11yr old son this weekend. I try to make different stuff so it's not the same old food each week. My laundry is always done and my bathrooms are cleaned every week some times we vacuum a couple of times during the week! I fixed the wall where the railing came out I replaced a door handle and I replaced a broken dishwasher and fridge! I will get a bissell and clean the carpets and I will paint as I do every year so the walls look decent. I cleaned all the gardens and planted bulbs and had autome decorations in the fall and now have switched to wreaths- We hung the christmas lights and I replaced the dead bulbs and found the timers.
I think we are doing ok....I just wish I could find a person to complain to now and again and then I would feel better when I need to.
The sad thing is that people probably thought that ( trapping) a lot but he and I had talked about it (having kids) way before it happened and were prepared that it might. I know he was so excitted when it did... We were not surprised because we had decided that would be OK and let go of the situation to let things happen. I was in my mid 20's working full time and I was responsable and he had just gotten a divorce and was mid 30's and worried he'd be too old if we courted for years and then had kids. He was a little wedding shy having just signed D papers and frankly I said I know it might not work out but I never felt the way I felt about him with anyone else and frankly before him I never wanted or cared if I did get married and I never pined for babies.....
Anyway I digress.... another thing I really despise is if you tell someone something and they throw it back in your face. My mom did that too recently. You go through a lot when you loose your spouse really unexpectedly the way I did and I went through all the grief process including anger. I'm probably not completely done but when I was in an angry part of my journey I complained about stupid things people did and shortly thereafter my mother decided to tear me down for complaining I thought she could see it for what it was - part of an emotional process, she made me feel bad about myself for having let myself be who I needed to be with my own parents for that little while. I was never so upset until this weekend when she did it again.
The one thing about being left alone is that everyone tells you what to do. I keep hearing from brother in laws how the house is too big and I shouldn't keep it. Well that's really inappropriate, and I wish people would just stop. I should not defend my choices anymore now than when I made them with a husband. It blows my mind that people think they have a right to tell you how to live just because I am a single woman now.
I guess that bother's me more now because I would like to think that I am capable and frankly I was doing a lot before he died anyway! Adding a few more jobs will not be the end of me. I traveled to Europe and back by myself since he died- I cut the grass all summer, got a a load of wood for winter and stacked it, cleaned the house each week, I make the meals and even got the beets and carrots out of the garden and made homemade soup with my 11yr old son this weekend. I try to make different stuff so it's not the same old food each week. My laundry is always done and my bathrooms are cleaned every week some times we vacuum a couple of times during the week! I fixed the wall where the railing came out I replaced a door handle and I replaced a broken dishwasher and fridge! I will get a bissell and clean the carpets and I will paint as I do every year so the walls look decent. I cleaned all the gardens and planted bulbs and had autome decorations in the fall and now have switched to wreaths- We hung the christmas lights and I replaced the dead bulbs and found the timers.
I think we are doing ok....I just wish I could find a person to complain to now and again and then I would feel better when I need to.
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