I don't have a lot of social stuff....people who want to see us have to fit it in between what is a pretty full calendar. I was thinking the other day that just to write an email asking us " how are you?" shouldn't be hard. I am saddened by the people who cry at the funeral and walk out the door only to forget you a moment later, and not even feel badly about it.

I am looking forward to getting together with my friends this weekend and I have another person who invited me next week to a pot luck and I kinda feel like going but it's hard to get past the fact that in all the time after I lost my husband she never came by. I'm on her way home too.

It's hard because I really want to be happy but it bothers me that people can not seem to feel bad about the efforts they should have made, non existent efforts amount to making me feel like I should rethink my friends. Part of me thinks I should move back to my home town even if that means feeling a little failed in doing so. I don't have a best friend that calls and the ones that I though were ....well.... I haven't seen them since the funeral ! One spoke to me and I never heard back from her the other "freind" came to the funeral and called once and then that was it. I feel really alone these days.

But I am looking forward to a really nice group- the girls that make me feel part of something and I'll be seeing them this weekend. We aren't the kind to call and gab but we all get along and see each other every week to play soccer.

honestly it's that sort of thing that keeps me happy. I have to focus on those!